Stupid Is As Stupid Does
by Izzy Nava
Summary: It was supposed to be a spa day. A day full of relaxing facials and mani/pedis. So why is Bella stuck in a toddler swing. Why is Alice acting so crazy? How did they even end up at the park?
1. Chapter 1

**Emmett: 28**

**Rose: 25**

**Edward: 26**

**Jasper: 27**

**Alice 24**

**Bella:24**

Edward's POV:

The day was just winding down. Another hour and I could go home and see my beautiful wife.

Jasper, Emmett, and I were just finishing up with some updates to our files and some other paper work we needed to do.

When suddenly the pleasant silence was filled with the high pitched alarm.

The pens we held in our hands dropped onto the metal table we sat on as we quickly got up.

"Assistance is needed in Sycamore Park. Female, Age 24, is stuck in a toddler swing. Send unit in." the operator said, stoically.

My father in law and uncle rush out of his office. Judging by the color on his face and the fact my uncle is laughing his ass off. I'd say this is a family matter.

"Every one of you fuckers get back to what you were doing!" The captain says.

"Garrett, please come get your father-in-law's ass away from here before I punch him in the fucking face." The cap growls.

"Fuck, the Cap's angry again. Shit, that means this is probably Rosalie, Alice or Bella who are involved." Emmett mutters, swallowing thickly,

"Bet you it's all three." Jasper mutters to us, as Garrett passes by dragging Uncle Peter down the hall still laughing.

"Gentleman, where are your wives on this lovely late afternoon?" He finally asks, tired.

"Oh, uh... umm..well, Alice called earlier. They're supposed to be having a spa day today... at Rose and Em's house..." Jasper mutters.

"spa...day." Cap mutters, as if tasting something sour in his mouth, his moustache twitching slightly.

"Rosalie called, to say they were having a picnic at the...oh, I ..." Emmett says realizing what happened.

_"Go,_ now!" Charlie mutters, shaking his head unbelievably.

The park itself is fifteen minutes away from the station. Jasper and I climbed into the engine along with Charlie, otherwise known as the captain, grabbing first aid kit just in case someone is hurt.

Emmett stayed at the station gathering a few other things, just in case we need them.

When we turn onto the park's empty lot and park the massive engine, we all quickly jump down, only to freeze at the sight before us.

We watched as Rosalie as swings happily in a swing, her hair brushing the woodchip-covered ground as she swung back and forth.

Alice is running around like a four year old, playing on the climbing equipment, sliding down the slide and even cartwheeling on the grass before she settles on a dinosaur to rock back and forth.

Bella, for the love of all holy, is stuck on the fucking toddler swing, squirming her legs in the air as she tries and fails to get out. Her legs hang a good foot of the ground. Her hair is covered in chips, leaves, and even something sticky.

"Whoop, whoop! They're here! Our saviors are here! Right this way, gentleman." Alice sings, jumping off the dino and heading in Bella's direction.

"Bellybee! They're here. Your fat ass is saved." She sings, skipping over to her and patting her head.

Jasper chuckles, inclining his head.

Alice stumbles towards Jasper, headbutting his chest. "Look, Bella, this blonde one is cute.." she whispers, lifting her hand in the air as if to check we're actually here with them or their imagination.

"Bella, look how handsome they are...they all look familiar... I'm married, but you look like my Jazzy... Hello handsome, do you have a name?" She asks, hopping on the tips of her dainty feet to look him in the eye.

"Alice, it's me. Jasper?" He comments, checking her to see if she is injured, when he's done he nods his head once.

She's fine after all.

I roll my eyes at his confusion, "Dude, they're drunk out of their wits. It's fine. Go call Emmett, and tell him to get his ass over here..tell him that he's about to become a widow if he's not quick." I yell at his retreating form.

I hear his answering chuckles as he walks away putting the phone to his ear.

I didn't see when or what exactly happened but I heard a groan. Next thing I know Alice is ontop of Jasper, straddling his back, with a scowl etched on her face.

"Mary Alice, what do you think you are doing?" Rosalie asks as she climbs to the top of the slide.

"Where do you think you're going my personal Adonis?" Alice coos into Jasper's ear.

"Am I going to stay here all night?

Because this thing is starting to chafe." Bella says, wiggling her hips a bit, causing the chains of the swing to creek.

I shake my head in exasperation at her, and begin way over to her just as I hear Emmett pull up in the pick up truck.

"Emmy! It's me! Over here! Look at me!" Bella calls, waving her hands in the air.

She briefly reminded me of Olive Oil from Popeye when she did that. Of course I'd be keeping that thought to myself unless I wished to get my ass handed to me later.

"I see you Bella, put your arms down." Emmett mutters as he walks over to us.

We both exchange a quick look before shaking our heads in the same exasperation we feel.

"Jasper. Get your ass over here. We're going to proceed with protocol 1A."

Jasper quickly dodges another of Alice attempts to tackle him and makes his way over to us.

"Hurry it up, Whitlock, you can horse play when we get off the clock." Emmett mutters, looking serious for once.

"Bella, we're going to put you over Edward's shoulder, please try to stay still." Emmett says.

Charlie stands a few feet away in case he's needed.

I quickly stand in front of Bella. Bella looks over at Alice giggling, while Alice stands a few feet away from us recording the entire debacle.

"You three are not allowed to go out alone anymore." I mutter, as I slow squat.

Emmett and Jasper proceed to grab the chains and lift up Bella before tipping over onto my shoulder, before proceeding to attempt to shimmy Bella out of the swing.

I can hear the girls giggling as Bella dangles over my shoulder upside down.

"This is fun." She mutters.

"Edward, grab onto her legs or she's going to fall." Emmett says, as Jasper moves to the other side of the swing.

"Her hips are out, I just don't know if her legs are stuck." Jasper comments as Emmett begins to tug.

"Let me lift her up a bit so she gets some blood flowing." Emmett mutters walking to the left.

"Shit. It's not working, Edward." I hear Jasper mutter, as he yanks on the swing.

"You think if we lube her up she'll shoot out of there like a bullet?" Emmett commented.

"Emmett. " I growl.

"We could use butter." He says, trying not to laugh.

I hear a thwack from behind me, I can't help the chuckle that escapes my lips.

"Bonehead." Charlie mutters, shaking his head as he takes Emmett's place.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright, protocol 1B it is." Emmett mutters, rubbing the back of his head with one arm as he keeps Bella elevated with the other.

Within the next few seconds , we spring into action. Emmett is now helping keep Bella upright, and I step back as he keeps her arm around his neck, while Jasper has the other one.

Charlie then makes quick work of the bolt cutters. Snipping the one of chains in two swift movements. Then proceeding to do the other one with them.

Once Bella is sets her feet on the ground, she proceeds to collapse onto her knees.

"Easy there, squirt," Emmett says.

"Why is the ground moving?" She groans back, shaking her head a few times.

I mutter to myself as I reach down and lift her to her feet before picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder, before heading towards the park bench.

"Free at last, free at last!" Bella says excitedly, as I lay her down on the bench.

"Hallelujah!" Alice cheers, proceeding to do a weird dance and a few cartwheels.

I jump a foot in the air as I feel Bella pinch my left cheek.

"Nice and firm, firedude. Nice and firm." She comments, before slapping the same spot.

"Knock it off, Bella." Charlie says sternly.

"Who- oh. Hi daddy!" She greets happily.

"Hello Bella Marie." Charlie greets back, stifly.

She shrinks back as she hears his voice.

"Hey firedude, do you know why he's angry?" She whispers loudly to me.

I roll my eyes at her in response.

"Lay back please, and grab onto that for a second." I instruct, as tilt my head for a second and nod to myself.

I notice Bella quickly wrapped her fingers onto the railing.

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" I mutter, waiting for her to respond.

I see her nod once in response before I then proceed grab onto what's left of the toddler swing and yank down firmly.

Two tugs in, the swing gives and I slowly ease it off of her.

We all sigh in relief as I set the damn contraption onto the ground.

"Are you okay?" I ask before I notice Charlie's expression.

"Are you alright?" He asks her.

"Oh god. I'm fine, daddy." She complains, slowly sitting up.

"Isabella Marie Cullen!" We hear a familiar screech.

"Alright, who called Ren, and Esme?" Charlie asked, watching as both of them stomped their way towards us.

My _father_ trailing behind him.

"Ladies and gents. We have a winner." Jaspers mutters.

"You mean weiner." Emmett quips back, chuckling.

"Emmett! Hey, I need your help." Rose suddenly calls from the top of the slide.

We all proceed to turn around to see her hanging from her belt loop, struggling to get free.

"Babe, I thought you said you three weren't going to be drinking today." He complained as he made his way over to her.

"Shit, ladies we've been caught! Abort! I repeat, abort mission!" Alice cries, as she attempts to run away unsteadily, only to face plant a few feet away in the grass.

"Oh, for Pete's sake." Charlie mutters, face palming himself.

Bella attempts to run as well but I quickly stop her with a headshake.

"Save yourselves!" Alice says in a muffled voice, her face still pressed into the greenery.

"Oh for crying outloud!" My mother says, before making her way over to Rosalie and yanks her harshly by the legs.

**Rip!**

Rosalie suddenly slides all the way down the slide, plopping down onto the wood chips.

"You have one minute to explain to me... _who_ left _them_ alone." My mother-in-law says.

Her tone of voice makes us all take a step back in terror.

Fuck, she reminds me of Yosemite Sam from the loony tunes, without the massive red mustache.

She's a mixture of Daffy Duck and Yosemite Sam. Flighty and a short fuse.

Hell, Charlie wasn't involved in any of these shenanigans yet he was now in as deep shit as all of us. Wait,we weren't involved either. Dammit.

That's probably who Alice got the flighty ways from. I now only realize.

"Ren, ease up, the boys had to work tonight. They got off after six, they're not little girls anymore, they knew what they were doing." Charlie uttered.

"Yeah ma, we're add-ults." Bella chirped, stepping behind me.

"Charlie, look at them!" My mother in law cried.

"Do I have shit on my face?" Alice asked Jasper confused, as she rubbed her fingertips on the side if her face.

"Mary Alice Whitlock!" Her mother screeches.

"Mother, Father, help me Lord!" Alice cries as she slips her heels off , and takes off running across the park with Renee hot on her heels.

"Momma Swan is angry, quick pah, hide your goods." Emmett cries, cupping himself.


	3. Chapter 3

I want to laugh at the poor sap, but a sudden cold breeze stops the chuckle mid way.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, Jasper Silias Whitlock Cullen... would you care to explain to me how all of this happened?" My own mother asks in a calm voice.

I gulped, a knot forming in my throat, before looking at my older brother.

"Jazz, what exactly is she wearing on her feet?" I mutter to Jasper.

He gulps, and clears his throat before he steps back. "Flip flops, my brother." He mutters back.

"Mary Alice! Get your tiny bum back here!" We hear Renee scream at her.

"Nuh-uh...Catch me! Catch me! You gotta catch me first!" Alice sings back.

"Oh, she's done it now..." Bella says, cowering more behind me.

"Jazzy, save me!" She suddenly cries, heading our way.

"Bella, what is that supposed-" Jasper begins before hear a high pitched scream and a muffled thwack.

I hear Bella groan in pain, flinching again.

"Renee has always...what's a nice way to put it?...had a hell of an arm and aim." Charlie replies for her.

"Yeah, or in other words, she's always loved to beat the ever living shi-..." Emmett quips.

"Emmett please." Charlie warns.

"Does that mean..?" My dad wonders.

"She was the disciplinarian and I was the laid back one? Yes." Charlie says.

"Oof...you got knocked the fuck out!" Emmett says, flinching back.

"Emmett Makenzie Swan!" Renee growls, from behind us, causing us all to jump a foot in the air.

"Aw, mom! I-I mean, y-yes mah-mah?" He whimpers, slowly turning to look at her.

"You need to be quiet." She says, pushing past us to get in Charlie's face.

"Renee, darling." Charlie says smiling sweetly at her.

"Don't you 'darling' me." She enunciated, angrily, swatting him twice in the arm.

"What did I do now?" He complained, rubbing the soar spot.

"They were left alone... need I say more?" She said, raising an eyebrow.

"Alice...?" Bella whispers as she slowly makes her way to her twin sister, who is scowling at her mother while rubbing her back angrily.

I watch them have a silent conversation before turning to look at Emmett, who shrugs in return.

"We're add-ults. We can stay alone if we want to..besides it was only a few bottles of wine and food..." Rosalie pointed out. "Besides nothing bad really hap-" she continued before Emmett covered her mouth with his large hand, or should I say paw.

"Let's get them out of here before we end up in deeper shit." Jasper mutters.

I could hear my sisters muffled screams, but nothing prepares me for what happened next.

Rosalie somehow managed to headbutt Emmett in the face, before stomping on his foot with her heel-covered foot. Before she proceeded to elbow him in the gut and throw him over her shoulder.

"What the fuck, Rosie?" Emmett wheezes, laying on the ground.

"Rosy, dear, Where did you learn that?" Our father asks, surprised.

"That? Oh we were watching Miss. Congeniality earlier today." She shrugged before stepping onto Emmett's stomach and hoping down.

We all watched her skip over to where Bella and Alice sat, whispering to each other.


	4. Chapter 4

A sense of dread spreads through out my body as I watch my sister sit down with them. Their heads inclining together closely as they chatted amongst themselves.

An amusing thought briefly crossed my mind, but I quickly squashed it before anything could come out if it, realizing the Swans' had an uncle, who happened to be cop, working in Seattle police force.

If I got arrested he'd probably leave my ass in there for two days before he got me out. Petty or no, my ass was too pretty to be in the slammer. I was too pretty to be anyone's bitch.

"What's got your ass chuckling to yourself in such a grave situation?" Jasper asked.

"Oh noth-" I began before we heard three sets of whistles.

"Oh no..." Emmett muttered, quickly scrambling to his feet.

"Hey dad..." he called trying to gain the attention of Renee and Charlie, who were now joking around with my parents.

"Damn, right I remember that day. I still have the mark on my ass that proves it." Charlie replied.

"Oh, come now, how were we supposed to know that prank would end up with Renee grabbing the nail gun and shooting you in the ass?" My dad says, chuckling.

"Gee, Carl, maybe because we were in the middle of building the tree house for the kids in our backyard?" Charlie quipped.

"Served you two right for leaving us alone so you could pretend to get something from the garage. Only to pop out from the back of the bushes. My father always said 'in dangerous situations shoot first, ask questions later.' So I did." Renee snipped, shrugging.

"Yes, well the Colonel would tell you that.. especially if-" Charlie muttered.

"Mah, Pah, they just whistled the hunger game theme song." Emmett says, loudly attempting to gain their attention.

_"Crap!"_ Renee and Charlie mutter.

"Uhh..er... hey guys, where are the girls?" Jasper asks, nodding his head towards the empty spot they had vacated.

The only thing left behind were Bella's sandals and Rosalie's spiky red shiny heels.

A beep to all our phones only solidifies the dread I felt before.

_We were bored, so we decided to play a game. May the odds be ever in you favor *evil laugh*_

**_A/N: _**

**_Uh-oh. What could those three be up to now? Nobody knows. Not even me. *smirks*_**

**_I know the chapters are varied from short to long...but I have no idea where this story will go. Anyways, Enjoy. _**


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: **_

_**Alright, I have a few things to say.**_

_**One. To clarify they've had a few drinks. Those who do drink obviously know some people do stupid things while under the influence. **_

_**Two. Renee isn't a child abuser, she overreacts, there is a difference. **_

_**Three. Charlie isn't a wimp. He is laid back. For goodness sake's, people who work as firefighters know the long hours. That doesn't mean he's a pansy ass. Maybe, careless at times. **_

_**Four. This story is fiction, meaning what? It's not real. So please, calm your titties down. not one person , or animals is or will be getting hurt.**_

_**Thank you for reading have an awesome day/night. **_

_**Onward!**_

Edward's POV:

"Ok, this is what we're going to do..." Jasper says, pausing for effect.

The douche loved attention, he strived for that shit.

Fucking show off.

"Search for our wives?" Emmett asked, confused.

"No shit, you doof... but let's do it organized." Jasper says.

"No." Charlie says.

We all turn to look at him. Intruiged.

"My daughters are known to be tenacious when it comes to these types of games. I should know. They get that from their mother." Charlie remarks.

We all chuckle at his remark, even, my multi emotional mother in law.

"Guilty." She says, smirking.

"Anywho, how opposed are you three to climbing up trees?" Charlie asks.

Jasper, Emmett and I facepalm simultaneously.

Emmett quickly shakes his head in response.

"No, absolutely not. Don't you remember the time you sent me up that damn massive tree to try to get those two down and Alice karate chopped me in the face?" Emmett asks.

"I landed on poor Skippy and Cinnamon!" He cries.

"Uhh.. Charlie, who are Skippy and Cinnamon?" My dad asks, the corner of his lips twitching.

"Skippy was our Labordor Retriever and Cinnamon was our King's Charles Spaniel." He explained

"Wait... I thought you only had Rambo, your beige Shih Tzu?" My dad says confused.

"He's not beige! He's sandy brown!" Emmett remarks, offended.

Was he being serious right now? Our wives are hiding from us and he's more worried about the color of his damn dog? What does it matter if Cujo is beije or sandy brown?

"After he landed on them... Renee decided it would be best to give them away to my older brother Marcus and his wife Didi..." Charlie says, shrugging.

"Alright that's a story for another day. There are more important matters at hand.. like finding the girls." My mom interrupted, already knowing the story, since she's a veterinarian.

She told me they were both alright but kept growling anytime Emmett came into the room. If that lunkhead landed on me I would growl at him too.

"There's no need." Jasper said chuckling as he walked in our direction.

"Why? Where'd you go?" My mom asked him, confused.

"I found two of them, albeit they're in different places but they're fine." He said, we all waited.

He inclined his head to the side before turning back in the direction that he just came in.

"Alice is asleep in the fire truck. Rosalie is in SUV on the phone with Bella. _Secretly._ " Jasper said, as he climbed up into the fire engine.

I followed after him to find Alice curled into a ball in the seat, fast asleep. From the window I could see Rosalie, on the phone with her feet on the dashboard of our gray SUV.

Emmett shook his head exasperated, "Should have known she'd pull something like this." He muttered scowling.

"Emmett, do you know where Bella is?" I asked confused.

His eyes widen and he shakes his head from side to side quickly.

I quickly climb down the fire engine, and look around frantically, before deciding I was going to ring my brother in law's neck if he didn't start talking.

*pckk* *pckk* *pckk*

I felt something pelt me on the head.

"I thought you said you'd find me whereever I went?" Bella remarks, loudly, from the branch at the top of a tree.

"How in the bloody hell did you get up there?" I remark back.

She shrugs, sitting back calmly against the thick trunk. "I flew." She says deadpanned.


	6. Chapter 6

"Did you three really drink a lot today or are you just paying us all back for what we pulled on you three, last week?" I wondered as Emmett quickly set one of the ladders against the tree.

"Edward nnnoooo..." Emmett mutters, shaking his head at me worriedly.

"Did you any of you know that dork really means penis?" Bella asked, suddenly.

Emmett double over laughing from the bottom of the tree. Truth be told I wanted to laugh to but I was worried on how my little wife got her crazy ass up there.

"Bella, darlin',why don't you get down from there? I'll buy us all some food if you do...anything you want little darlin'." Jasper tried coaxed.

"No.. I think I like it up here." She says, smiling.

"Anywhere you want..." Jasper says in a singy song voice.

That's another thing I hate about the fucker, he can talk and coax his way out of almost any situation, that or diffuse it. Sad part is...if I tried that, it always bites me in the ass.

"All of us?" She asked, uncertain.

That tone of voice she used had me on alert instantly. I knew that tone. It was the tone she used when her sister, my sister and she all were doing something they weren't supposed to.

"Yes, darlin'. I take you anywhere you want. As long it's reasonable." Jasper drawled.

She nodded, before quickly jumping down onto a lower branch. She slowly made her way down, before she was low enough for one of us to reach her with the ladder.

"So, where are we going to go?" Emmett asked.

"You three are going to go drove that massive fire engine and truck back to the fire house." Charlie interupts us before turning to Bella, crossing his arms over his chest.

One thing you should know about Charlie is...he's six foot four, built like a brick shithouse, and dark curls, that he has to constantly trim.

Two, is that he seems laid back but when it comes to disciplining his kids... well, let's just say you're better off with Renee.

She's all bark no bite...in most cases. Charlie is more of a 'I'll shoot you now, I'll ask questions later.

Perfect for each other, really, I tell you.

"...and you, young lady..." he began.

"Daddy..." Bella began, pouting, her eyes widening.

"Don't you 'Daddy me' young lady." He cut her off.

"Charlie-" I began, but was cut off instantly.

"I thought I told you three to take those things back to the firehouse?" He snapped, looking at Bella.

"You did, Dad." Emmett said.

"Then scat." He replied, not looking up.

Jasper, Emmett and I all shared a look before we all made our way towards the engine.

We were about to leave when we all realized something...Alice!

"Where's the pixie?" Emmett asked, "Did either of you move her?" He asked turning to look at me.

Jazz and I shook our head simultaneously, in response.

I watched Emmett sigh, and turn, " Crap." He muttered making his way back towards the truck.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: sorry for the wait.**_

B POV: _a week after the park incident_:

I knew today was going to be bad. I just didn't know how bad it would be, but judging by how late I got to work, thanks to the power outage on our block. The fact I got a flat tire a few miles away from my job, and me forgetting my lunch. Well, let's just say I just knew.

It was not almost time to go home and I was still sitting in my office, when Rosalie and Alice burst into my office. Their anxious expressions automatically put me on edge.

"Bella, what I am about to tell you is because I love you, and I care about you." Rosalie said, carefully.

I looked at her confused. "Does this have anything to do with the guys going out last Friday?" I asked.

"Yes." Alice said.

My stomach suddenly began to churn, the queasiness returning for the forth time today. My hands and feet began to feel over heated and sweaty.

Actually everything was now sweaty, including.. embarrassingly so, my butt and forehead too.

"What's going on...?" I asked, scared now.

"We need to go to the spa...and salon. ASAP." Alice finally said.

"Ok, what does this have to do with what the guys were doing last Friday?" I asked confused.

"Bella, I heard my brothers talking... complaining actually..." Rosalie began.

If this had anything to do with what I think I did, I was about to become a widow.

"About what?" I questioned, beginning to grow irritated.

"Now..now. Getting angry won't do anyone any good..." Alice said, patting my hand with her thin tiny one.

"Ali, if you don't want me getting mad, then I suggest your big ass mouth starts spilling on what's going on. Now." I snapped, pulling my hand away.

"Look... the other day, our dear brother ... the guys were complaining...about..." Alice began.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, they were complaining about us!" Rosalie interjected.

"Not only that. Emmett shared the 'caca's' story!" Aloce added

I looked over at my dear twin sister, only to realize what Rose was saying.

"He what!" I thundered.

"They...were complaining and sharing stories of our childhood." Alice said, quietly.

"Well, that and... they said there are more positions to try than missionary and backwards cowgirl. Two, you need to wax. Badly" Rosalie said, bluntly.

Alice giggled into her hand. " Your hairy vag-ina." She said, giggling uncontrollably.

"You're kidding! Please tell me you're kidding. " I gasped, plopping down on my chair again.

"What is the meaning of this?" Jane asked, walking into my office unexpectedly.

"Jane...not now please." I complain.

"What's wrong? why it does it look as if you're about to pass out?" She asked, plopping down on leather couch, expectantly.

I knew it was a bad idea to work with our cousin Jane.

"So, what's going on?" She asks again.

"Our husbands are being a pain in the ass." Rosalie pipes, lookin down at her nails.

"Hmm..is that soo?" She says, unsurprised.

"Somehow this doesn't surprise me." She says, smirking.

"I do have an idea, if you wish to get back at them, though." She says. "Chocolate anyone?" She hints, smirking evil at us.

"Oooh.." Alice squeals happily.

"I have another idea though..." Rosalie says, smiling. "Barbecue anyone?"

"I love it. When?" I ask.

"Well, first. Let's go ahead an go to the spa. That way, you can show off your hairless beaver. Then, we plan the barbeque. Invite everyone. " Jane says, smiling.

Rosalie and Alic have to drag me to the spa.

"Macey, we need a Brazilian. Facials, waxing, manicures and pedicures. Oh, and give my sister Bella the princess treatment. It's on Jane." She says, pushing me towards the back.

It is now almost ten o'clock at night when we're done.

My face is still hot from the embarrassment I've been through.

Have you ever been waxed down there before? Back to front? No?

Well, let me explain something to you, there are a few things that can happen. One, in some cases people tend to urinate themselves. Or two, you accidentally fart in the person's unexpected face. Can you guess what happened?

I feel as if I can die from the embarrassment I feel. Not to mention Rosalie and Alice's continuous laughter.

I think I'll be sticking to using Nair from now on.

It is now Saturday, we're all getting ready for our barbeque.

Or as Jane put it, plan : Hardies.

Why? Because we'll be laughing. A lot.

"Did you bring the salads?" I ask salad.

"Yes, the potato, the coleslaw, the tangerine, the mango, and the strawberry one." She says leading Jasper towards the kitchen with six or seven trays.

Rosalie followed with six bags of groceries and sodas.

"Forget anything?" She asks.

"Hmm...Edward went to get some propane from the gas station why?" I ask.

"Jane said she was on her way with the stuff." She says.

"What stuff?" Emmett asks after he took all the bags to the kitchen.

"Oh, she's bringing the desserts." I quickly say.

"Is it the chocolate layered milk chocolate KitKat cake?" He asks excitedly.

"Yes." I respond, automatically.

I had warned everyone, who was coming not to eat the cake, well. Everyone besides our husbands that is.

See, we have six bathrooms in the house. The bottom two? currently locked at the moment.

I get lost in my head without realizing it and suddenly Jane is in front of me waving a bag.

"Put this baby on. Now." She orders, pushing me up the stairs.

I scoff in response, but do as she says, putting over it my thin lacy beach dress, as she suggested.

All of us have bathing suits on. It has been hot as the devil's anus around here lately...and this heat? Is killing me.

Everything is going great. That is until we heard the sudden rush of three sets of foot steps rushing up the stairs.

The girls and I, all exchanged amused looks.

Show time...


	8. Chapter 8

_ 2 hours later_:

"What exactly did you put in the cake, Jane?" Carlisle asks her, amused.

"Ciocolax in the cake and frosting. The only thing that didn't have the laxative in it were the Kitkat bars." Jane said, unbothered.

"Bella, do you have a any pepto bismol, and Gatorade?" He asks.

"Yes. We have electrolyte water too." I say.

"Oh god!" We hear a groan come from the bathroom.

*toot* *toot* *toot toot*

Carlisle coughs attempting to hide his amusement.

"This isn't the worst I've seen. The biggest risks that can happen is cramping, dehydration, and d-di- diaper rash." He says, trying to keep a straight face.

Jane, Alice, Rose and I look at each other once before we look our shit.

When we realize what just happened we begin laughing harder.

Soon we're laughing so hard we're wheezing on the floot.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck. Babe, you need to get some Desitin!" He calls from the bathroom, cracking at them end.

After we have a good laugh, we look at Carlisle, who is chuckling too., so I sat up from the ground.

"Ahem. Okay, I know, this is serious, Carlisle. Please continue. " I say, in a straight face.

"I know, my sons have been a pain in the ass, girls. Now, I truly hope they've learned their lesson." He says, before walking back down the stairs to join everyone.

"Do you think you'll need a plumber?" Alice suddenly asks.

"I don't fucking know but shit if it wasn't worth it." I says, laughing again.

That night Edward spent the night sleeping on the toilet.

His occasional farting, set off our laughter every now and then.

The next day he drank his weight in Gatorade, electrolyte water and pepto bismol.

He had to call in to work and get Monday and Tuesday off, since any heavy foods would set him off again.

Finally, on Wednesday morning, he was well enough to go back into work.

"How are you feeling, honey?" I ask, smiling at him.

"Much better." He responds as he ties up his work boots.

"I'm glad. Here I made you some chamomile tea, and baked you some white chocolate macadamia cookies." I say handing him the cookie tin.

"Oh..uh.. I'll take the tea but I honestly don't think I can stomach the cookies." He says before he kisses me cheek and takes his travel cup. "I'll see you after work alright?" He says, before grabbing his keys and wallet and walking out the door.

"_Thank you_, Jane." I say, smirking as I skipped up the stairs to get ready for work.

Jane is waiting for me in my office when I walk in.

"How's Edward doing?" She asks, as she lays on my couch.

"Oh, he's better now. How's Alec?" I ask her.

"He's still sick. It turns out Emmett and Alec had the most cake so they're the sickest of all of them. Jasper only had two bites, so he is fine. Edward had a piece or two so he's alright too." She says.

"..and I thought I was vindictive. Why did Alec have to suffer your wrath?" I ask.

"We were in the middle of having some turkey... it's what we call fucking...when he fucking decides to call me his little cactus. What the fuck does that mean?" She cries, angrily.

In case you don't know. Alec is Latino. He's cute too.

I snort, unable to disguise it. " how long before Wednesday did you last wax, trim, or shave?" I ask.

"It had been a while..." she trails off.

I snort again.

"Shut the fuck up, you bitch." She cries.

"Hey at least you didn't fucking fart unexpectedly in someone's face." I say, giggling.

She starts laughing so hard she falls off the couch.

"Oh god. At least you didn't need Desitin!" She gasps through her laughter.

That only makes us laugh harder.


	9. Chapter 9

_4 hours later:_

Edward's POV:

"Are you hungry?" The Chief asks, walking in with a box full of sub sandwiches.

My stomach does a gurgling sound, causing me to wince as I feel my stomach begin to churn and bile rises up my throat.

"I'll take a few sandwiches." Emmett says, eyeing the box's contents.

"How can you even think about eating? I feel as if my stomach is about to come out of my ass." I complain, pulling out the familiar pink bottle of Pepto.

"I have the stomach of a Rhino. Nothing keeps me down!" Emmett claims, as the Chief shakes his head in amusement and passes him two subs.

"That's not what you were saying two days ago!" Jasper calls from the other side of the room.

"Whitlock, get over here and take a seat. It's chow time!"

Jasper quickly turned towards me, gulping nervously, before he walked over to the table and took a seat.

"What's this I hear about your wives pranking you four this past weekend?" Uncle Peter asks as he sits down next to us.

The subs are all a combination of roast beef, ham, and turkey. The all have lettuce, cucumber, cheese, and tomato, and mayo. They all come with a small bowl of soup, and a bag of baked chips along with a drink.

"It's nothing, really. We all pissed off our wives and they got back at us by baking a massive chocolate cake. It had Ciocolax in it." I say.

Uncle Peter, of course, is in the middle of a bite. So, as I say this he starts turning red. Jasper has to thwack him three times on the back before he finally gulps. Then the old man starts laughing his ass off.

"Ey, Charlie! Did you know your daughters are so vindictive?" He asked, chuckling.

"Sadly, yes. They got that from their mother." The Chief answers, grimacing.

I look over at Alex, Bella's cousin's boyfriend. He look worse than any of us.

"Alex, how are _you_ doing?" Jasper asks.

"Ugh… I don't think I've ever felt sicker than I do at this moment." He commented, laying his head down in his arms.

"What exactly did you do to piss off little Janey?" Uncle Peter asks, amused.

"I.. I might have called her a little cactus right before we were going to get busy…" he muttered, abashed.

I try to keep my face expressionless, I really do, but one look at my big oaf of a brother-in-law, and I lose it right after him. We all do, in fact.

"How mad was ol' Janey?" Uncle Peter asks, before leaning in my direction before whispering, "That's your wife's cousin, right? The pocket-sized Barbie doll?" He asks.

I cough, trying to hide another chuckle, before I answer, "That'll be a yes." I mutter back.

"So, what are you boys going to do to get back at them?" Felix suddenly asks.

Felix, Jane's older brother. He looks amused, probably because he knows what a pissed off woman in our crazy ass family is capable of.

"Well, I was planning on staying at your house until Saturday," Emmett said, sobering up.

"Why is that?" Jasper asked, amused.

"Well, your sister might've threatened my manhood... again. I don't have the energy to fight her off." He muttered, abashed.

"Oh, before I forget, your Aunt Charlotte sent over these baked goods for you knuckleheads." Uncle Peter says, as he walks over to the counter and picks up the large box and brings it over to the table, dropping it in the middle.

"W-what is that?" Emmett asks, his face draining of all color.

"Chocolate chip cookies, German Chocolate Cake, homemade fudge bars."

I feel my stomach begins to churn painfully, as I watch my uncle pull out the huge clear plastic containers.

"Guys, if your interested… I think I know how you can get back at them…" Felix say as he takes a massive bite from his squashed sandwich.

"...and lunch is over for me." The chief said, gathering his food and walking towards his office. "Once you boys are done eating… wash big red." He throws over his shoulder.

"Right behind yah…". Uncle Peter mutters, as he picks up his lunch and heads for the door.

Once both mean leave the room our eyes all snapped to Felix. "How are we going to do that?" Emmett asked, anxiously

"Have you guys heard of something called detox?" He asks, eyeing Emmett.

"Will it hurt them?" Alex asks, concerned.

"No. Let me explain. Heidi has recently gone into a health obsession. A friend of hers gave her a recipe to try. There are two really. A cleansing lemonade, or cranberry juice detox." He says,shrugging.

"What'll happen if we give them either?" Jasper asks.

"Nothing too horrible. They'll get the runs like you guys did but it won't be as bad." Felix replies.

"Yo, Ed. This weekend was supposed to be the barbeque at your house right?" Emmett asks.

"Oh yeah." Jasper says, smirking at all of us.

"Well, its set then." Emmett grins evilly.

"I'll bring the drinks." Felix says, grinning.

Something about this stirs unease in the pit of my recovering stomach.


	10. Chapter 10

_The next day:_

_BPov:_

It is almost five-thirty when Edward calls me at home, asking if I remembered about this weekend.

"Hello?"

"Hey, love. Did you remember by any chance what this weekend is?" He asked, as a snap was heard in the background.

"Saturday?" I replied, dryly.

I figured should act the part and play stupid. What I didn't count on is his tone.

"Besides the day?" He asked, calmly.

"No, what's going on?" I asked, briefly panicking and looking towards the refrigerator to check if I had forgotten a family member's birthday.

I could hear as he let out an exasperated sigh.

"Bella, the barbeque?" He reminds me.

"Didn't we just have one two weeks ago?" I asked confused.

"Yes, but we weren't able to enjoy it." He comments dryly, slightly dripping from his otherwise smooth voice.

Oh. Right, operation Hardees. I snorted into the phone by accident.

He stopped speaking to me for four days after the prank. He also flinches everytime I make something with chocolate in it.

"Oh, yeah. Uhh.." I struggled to reply seriously.

"W-who is coming?" I ask.

"All the guys. My parents. The family." He listed, warily.

"Oh, alright. So, what's on the menu?" I wondered, already planning for a trip to Costco.

"Emmett is bringing steaks and potatoes, to throw on the grill. Felix is bringing the drinks. Jasper is buying the desserts. Garrett is bringing some rotisserie chickens… I put in the burgers and dogs." He says.

"Ok, so I'll go ahead and head to Costco and buy a few things. Beer for my dad and your dad. Chips and fruit. Along with the burgers and hotdogs." I says, looking at the time. "Will you be coming home before then?" I ask slightly annoyed.

He left early yesterday morning and hasn't been home since then. Which made me really suspicious since it wasn't normal for him not to sleep at home.

"Oh, err. No, I have to finish some paperwork here and clean the kitchen today." He says, nervously.

"Oh… well, be safe. I have to get to Costco before it closes." I say, pressing the red end button phone.

I quickly grabbed the keys to the CR-V and my purse on the way out. My stomach churning once more. This has been happening for almost two weeks now.

Maybe I should buy some lemons while I am at it...

I push the feeling aside and quickly head out, locking the door behind me.

The drive there is quick. I listen to Pandora on the way, allowing me to pick my mood up.

_Not Ready to Make Nice_ by the _Dixie Chicks_ is on as I am pulling into the parking lot, the lot is half full as I do.

I quickly find a parking spot, I pull in. When I do I quickly call Jane and asked her if she knew about the barbeque.

"Speak to me." She answers.

"Hey, bitch. Edward called. Did you know about Saturday?" I ask, quickly scribbling down a list of everything I need.

"Alex called me. Asshole. Yes, he mentioned it, he also said to buy a few things. So I am driving to the fucking Costco right now." She grumbled.

"I am already here." I say looking through my bag.

"Wait for me by the door." She orders, before hanging up on me.

"Ugh.. Bitch much?" I grumble, throwing my phone into my bag.

I throw my keys in there too and get out. Clicking the key fob to look the car before I pull my sweater around me.

It's been weeks since the last time I really drank alcohol. I decided to pick up a few bottles to take before heading home.

There are only two orange trolleys left near the entrance when I finally make it to the building entrance.

I quickly pull out the black and gold Costco business card before pushing the trolley in.

They have new winter coats and boots on display so I headed there first.

The coats are beautiful, thick and of various colors. So, I decided to get myself a few, along with a few pairs of boots. I then remember Edward compliming out his favorite jacket ripping earlier last week so I grab him a couple of jackets along with a few shirts, pants, and other essentials we needed at home.

I came for a few things but I realized I needed other things at home so I went ahead and bought them.

I was wandering aimlessly through the rest of the clothes, grabbing one of the new fluffy blankets and placing it neatly on the trolley.

"Bella." Someone said from behind me.

I gasp in surprise as Jane suddenly hugged me.

"How you feeling, momma?" She asked dropping a blanket in her cart.

"Shut up!" I snap, as I push the trolley.

"Easy." She said, holding her hands up in surrender.

I scoff, ignoring her as I walk towards the fruit section.

"Bells?" She called after me. "Hey, move all the shit you got into the cart so the big boxes fit." She says.

I nod, watching as she transfers all my stuff except the bigger things into the cart.

"I was planning to buy more shit anyway." She mumbled, as she threw in all our things in.

I decide to ignore her antics and quickly grab everything I need. Passing on the fruit since it is four days away, but grabbing a few pieces for me anyway.

Though Edward had mentioned that the drinks would be provided, I decide to grab beers, a few soft drinks, and some juices for the kids.

I am tired and ready to go home when I heard a loud crash in the section where the wine usually is.

"Jane?" I say turning to looking to my left. "Oh god. This can't be happening." I mutter, facepalming myself.

I look again only to see Jane briskly walking towards me, with the cart.

"It wasn't me, I swear.." She quickly says wide-eyed.

"Why can't I ever take you anywhere?" I ask, sarcastically.

"I just said it wasn't me." She says defensively.

"Like I am really going to believe tha-"I remark, rolling my eyes at her.

"Janey? Belly-Bee?" We both hear someone call us.

"Heidi." Jane greeted, happy for the distraction.

"How's my asshole brother? Is he with you?" She quickly asks, scanning behind her.

"He is fine. Sent me here to buy a few things. He said the guys wanted to try out the new detox water regimen my friend gave me. I'm here buying some stuff to make it." She said

"_Detox_ water?" Jane said, tensing automatically.

Her blue eyes narrowed suspiciously, before she looked up to lock eyes with me. A moment later, the realization hit us both over the head.

'Those assholes!' I seethed.

"They're trying to get back at us!" I told Jane who nodded in response.

"Jokes on them. Detox water doesn't get you sick if you are taking it daily. It's the recipes I have you girls the other day." She said, rolling her eyes.

Jane looked livid, "_call_ your sister." She said.

Alice called me before I could call her. "Tink?" I answer, concerned.

"Bella, oh god, Bells! We have got a situation." She says panicked.

I look at Jane who is listening to us along with Heidi."What is wrong?" I ask, concerned.

"Rose went to get her hair done and something happened! Where are you?" She asked, or squawked into my ear.

"Costco." I say, pushing the cart towards the registers.

Heidi looks down at her cart, and then at us concerned." Where are you going to be?" She asks.

"Bella's house." Jane says.

Heidi nods quickly saying she would be there later before rushing off. "I'll see you in a bit then." She calls back to us before disappearing into one of the aisles.

"Really? Why?" Alice asks, curiously.

"Jasper hasn't called you?" I ask my sister.

"No, he has been avoiding for the past week." She scoffs.

Uh oh. Something told me all the guys at the firehouse are involved in this ploy.

"I'll see you two at my house tell Rose not to worry." I say as I hang up as I finally pull up at the register.

Three hundred and fifty-two dollars spent out of my pocket later I slowly push the trolley towards my car with an angry Jane still seething behind me.

I drop the back seats, and begin sliding the boxes in.

"Why did you buy all of this?" She asked as she helped me, slide everything in.

"It's getting colder." I say, shrugging.

"Right well, I will go home to pack a bag. See you in a bit." She says walking away.

I nod in response, quickly shoving everything into the car.

It takes me less time to make it back home. The entire time singing _Someone you loved_ by _Lewis Capaldi _

I was getting into the blasted song as I sang at the top of my lungs happily. It was offkey, I was alone so it didn't matter. Well, at least I thought I was, as it turns out, I had a tail the entire time.

It soured my mood immediately as I realized who it could possibly.

A familiar black Silverado with dark tinted windows.

"Un-fucking-believable." I mutter shaking my head as I drive home.

As I backed into the garage, I watched as the

black truck sped by heading in the direction of the firehouse.

Alice's cotton candy blue, mini cooper pulled next to my CR-V, with Rosalie's wine-red Jeep Grand Cherokee next to her.

"Close the doors!" Alice urged, rushing to do it herself.

"What's got your thong in a knot now?" I asked, tiredly pulling everything out of the car.

"This!" She cried, pulling off the dark wool hat from Rose's head, gesturing to her now caramelized locks.

They looked to be the exact same color as her mother, Esme's.

"Woah, I thought you were going in for a cut?! What the hell happened to you?" I asked, gapping at her hair.

"I-I was." She muttered pulling at her newly colored hair.

"Then what the hell happened?" Alice asked.

"Olivia hired a new girl, the dumb bitch put something else in my hair instead of fucking shampoo! Olivia had to fucking dye my hair!" She cried.

"I'm not going to lie to you. Bitch, you looking fucking hot. I hate you so much for being able to pull everything off." I said.

Quickly shoving the boxes of food into the freezer, while placing the soda boxes inside the pantry I had placed in there to buy in bulk.

"Let's head inside before Jane and Heidi get home. I have some interesting bits of info you may want to know." I said as we walked into the house.

As I'm walking into the kitchen, I see something on the table that catches my eye.

A note.

_I came home and found this. We'll be talking when I get home tomorrow._

_-E_

Atop the note was the test I had taken earlier, that being the fourth positive I had gotten in less than three days.

"Oh no…" I mutter, snatching it up, before looking up at the girls.

Shit, I was a dead woman!


	11. Chapter 11

"So, what is going on, Bellsy?" Rose asks as she heads to the bathroom with her bag.

When she comes out she is wearing one of Emmett's massive pullover sweaters with leggings underneath it, along with a pair of thick fuzzy socks on her feet. On her arm are the pair of jeans and the knit sweater she was wearing when she got here, along with her coat and boots.

"Rose, what are you wearing?" Alice asked gasping in horror.

"I believe it's called a sweater. You know, your older brother's sweater? Don't you wear Jasper's clothes?" She asks as they follow me into the kitchen.

Alice's answering scoff says it all.

"No, do you have any idea how big Jasper's clothes are on me? I make one of his shirts look like a dress. They all hit my shins." She answered seriously. "So, what are we going to do about your hair? Do you want to dye it back to the honey color you had before?" She asks, smiling.

Alice, Alice, Alice. Wrong question.

"No, stupid. If I do that, my hair will fall out. Do you realize what I would look like with no hair?!" Rose asks, walking closer to Alice.

So close she was towering over her, now. Then again, everyone towered over both of us. Only I am slightly taller, with my 5"1. Alice is 4"8.

"No…" Alice squeaks out a response, her eyes going wide as she answered.

"A peanut with ear! That's what!" Rose cries, horrified.

Alice's trembling lip, as she held back laughter. I had a feeling the Pixie is about to die.

A knock on the door briefly informs us someone is at the door.

Seeing as Rose is still towering over my dear, dear sister, I slowly walked to the door and open it.

"We're here, bitches!" Jane calls as she and Heidi both stand on the porch with their bags on their shoulders.

I smile in response and moved so they could walk in.

"So, what's the plan now?" Jane asks as she turns to look at me.

I realize I am still holding the test and note I received from Edward earlier. The shock my being is feeling makes my head to begin to spin a bit causing me to stumble.

"Bella?" Jane calls to me as everything begins to spin faster and faster around me.

"Grab her! She's going to fall!" Alice says as she walks into the room.

When I wake up a short time later, I am on the couch with my feet elevated.

"What's going on?" I ask, tiredly.

"You fainted." Jane says, offering me some food.

"How are you feeling?" Heidi asks, offering me some water.

I slowly sit down and take the water. Gulping half of it down before I set it down on the coffee table.

"I don't know. I feel fine now." I say. "Whydestinctive "Well...uhh...Alice kind of freaked out when you fainted earlier …" Jane said, looking around the room.

"What did she do?" I asked, cautiously, feeling dread settle on in my stomach.

"She called Edward...they're on their way home…" Jane said.

"Oh my..." I muttered as I heard the sound of front door opening, followed by the distinctive sound of multiple footsteps rushing on our direction.

"When are you planning on telling them?" Jane asked, lowly.

"My guess is soon." I mutter back, moving my hair from my face.

"Goodluck." She mumbled back, squeaking as everyone walked in.

"Gee, thanks." I mumble back dryly.

Now what?


	12. Chapter 12

I watched, calmly as Edward rushed into the room, every one of their eyes wide as they scanned the room.

When their eyes finally do land on me, Edward is the first one to rush forward, dropping his bag on the ground.

"Is it true?" He asks as he kneels before me.

I simply shrug my shoulders slightly evading the subject, as the uneasiness I felt earlier begins to make my stomach queasy again.

"How long have you known?" He asks, moving to sit next to me, extending my legs onto his lap.

The gesture seems sweet to an onlooker but I know this tactic like the back of my hand, it's so my ass can't run like the wind. Which if given the chance I totally would have.

"Alright people, out of the room. I need to speak to my wife, in private." Edward says, causing Jane to shoot off the couch and move unsteadily towards the kitchen, before turning to me. "How long have you known?" He repeats, gently.

"Three weeks.." I mumble.

"Before or after the prank…?" He asks, staring at me intently.

"Depends which prank you mean…" I whisper in response.

"D-do you mean...how long have you known?" He asks, confused.

"I've been suspecting for a while now…" I say deflecting.

If I know him, which I do, since we've been married for a while now, he is about to flip his shit any second now.

"How long _is_ 'a while', sweetheart?" He asks, trying to keep calm, though his eyes said something differently.

"Just a week before the last barbeque…" I finally say, wincing as he stiffens.

"So, almost three weeks." He states.

"Around there, yes," I muttered, biting my lip.

"Bella, when exactly was the last time we had sex?" He asked me.

"Let's see... The last week doesn't count… the week before that doesn't count…" I muttered thinking back to the last time.

"Why don't they count?" He asked confused.

"Because we used protection...and we were sober...so, the last time we had unprotected sex was the day after the park incident after we came back from Felix's house from the dinner party…" I say, looking at him in the eye.

"Wait...we weren't drunk though…" he said.

"Edward, we weren't sober either. I had like three glasses of wine and you had four beers. Then we got home and you had three more beers and I had another two glasses of strawberry wine." I state, remembering that night.

Boy, do I remember that night. That night, he chased me around the house after I called him a dork, next thing I knew he had me pinned under his hard body against the wall, and he was attacking my neck with hot, wet, tantalizing kisses.

And then...we fucked like animals for the rest of that night.

As far as I know. He still had crescent-shaped marks on his back. While the bruises on my hips were barely starting to fade, from when he squeezed my hips a bit too hard as I rode him, and later as he took me from behind.

"Fuck!" He exclaims, slapping his forehead with his palm.

"So, what are we going to do?" I ask quietly.

My stomach began to churn in anticipation to his response.

I mean we had talked about having babies but to be honest, I am such a screw up I honestly fear I'll be worse than my overly dramatic menopausal mother… and she is just over forty-five or is it... forty-six?

"Enjoy it." He said, smiling at me, taking my hand into his.

"Are you sure?" I ask, nervously.

"Love, it's not like we can give it back, sweetheart." He points out, teasingly.

I scoff, slapping his shoulder, hard.

"Jeeze, woman. It was a joke." He complained, rubbing his arm.

"Asshole." I mutter, before I pull him towards me, kissing him deeply.

Just then everyone decides to rush back into the room.

"So, what's the dili-o? Is your eggo preggo?" Emmett asks, automatically receiving a slap upside the head from Rose. "Ow! Stop with the violence, woman!" He cries, rubbing the back of his head with both of his massive paws.

"Quit being an idiot and I will." Rose snops back.

"Aww...I want a baby too!" Alice cries excitedly turning to look at Jasper.

We all watch as Jasper gaps at her in surprise and his eyes roll into the back of his head.

"Timber!" Emmett calls as Jasper falls unconsciously in a heap onto the ground.

"Jazzy!" Alice cries.

"I take it that's a no to the baby thing then?" Felix asks amused.

I quick stand, grabbing the rubbing alcohol from the coffee table and kneeling beside him on the floor, and shoving the bottle under his nose.

"He need air." Garrett says.

"Take off his beanie!" Peter calls.

I quickly pull off his hat and gasp in shock. What the hell happened to his blonde hair?

"What the fuck is this!" Alice cries, keeling over too.

"Jane?" I call.

"On it, B." She replies, as she drags my unconscious sister to the couch, throwing face down on it.

The sight makes me snicker.

I feel Edward pull me to my feet but my eyes stay glued to my brother in laws hair.

Gone is his honey gold blonde curls, now they're caramelized, deep brown strands. The curls are gone too. They're now cropped shorter, much much shorter than they were last week.

Fuck! Alice is going to have a fit!

I then turn and look at all of them. "Well?" I ask, motioning towards Jasper's unconscious form.

"Well, what, love?" My husband asks, flinching at my suspicious expression.

"Don't you 'well, what, love' me! You know what! What the hell happened to your brother's hair?!" I ask, loudly.

"He might have bet something...and lost...said bet…" he explains flinching back.

"Jesus Crist! You guys are worse than our parents!" I snap, grabbing the bottle of water and throw it on Jasper, causing him to gasp and sit up shocked.

"What happened?" He asked confused.

"My sister told you she wants a baby and you fainted. Then she saw what you did to your hair and she fainted." I explained amused.

I could see my sister waking up, she slowly sat up, and looked over at us.

"Jasper?" She called.

He gulped, "Yes, darlin'?" He replied.

"Run!" She screeched, as she hopped off the couch and pounced on him.

"Oh fuck!" He yelped as he clumsily got up and took off.

Wonderful. Now one of them was going to get hurt. Why did it always have to be in my house?


	13. The Aftermath

_Edward's PoV:_

A baby! I could hardly believe that it ! I mean had spoken about having babies but neither of us knew how to approach the subject of wanting to have one, especially now.

I could feel myself begin to get excited at the aspect of Bella becoming a mother and I becoming a father. I hardly felt it when she smacked my arm again to capture my attention.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you, love...were you...saying something?" I asked, shaking my head to clear it.

"Yes, moron, I asked how you're able to be here if my dad told me you were all going to be busy with paperwork… you know, since Aro is coming in for an inspection next week?" She asked, batting her lashes at me, innocently.

Crap. She knows we were lying about it… we're dead.

Fuck! How did she find out?

_Bella's POV:_

This idiot thinks he can lie to me without me finding out about it, it's almost cute. In a dog chasing his tail kind of way.

Damn it! Now, I can't do anything dangerous! ...but I know who can… my sister and cousin... they'll help me get even with Edward.

A battle cry brings me back to the present as we all hear a loud thump , an 'oomph!' , and that was followed by a loud splash.

I heard as Edward sighed from behind me and slowly making his way towards the backyard, with the rest of us slowly following behind him.

I let out a snort as we reached the back porch to find Alice wrapped around Jasper like a baby monkey, in the pool beating on his back with her tiny fists angrily, while her legs were wrapped around his waist? Stomach? I don't know, Jasper has always been really long, hell even Edward was like that too!

"When?! Tell me when or I swear I'll kick your ass from here to kingdom come!" She growled, hitting him while he tried to stay afloat.

"A week and a half ago! Jeez!" He replied, while still struggling to stay afloat and defend himself at the same time.

Edward, Emmett and Felix quickly ran towards the pool and went to help pull them out. All the while my sister clung to him like a baby monkey, pounding and slapping him wherever her fists could reach.

When they finally pulled the soggy pair out of the pool, my sister threw off her shoes across the lawn, stomped hard on his foot, and punched Felix in the face before stomping back into the house and into the downstairs guest room, dragging me in behind her.

When we reached the room she slammed the door behind us, and turned to me, teary eyed.

"I'm so sorry I ruined your moment." She sniffled.

"Don't worry, it's not exactly official yet. I still need to go to the doctor on Monday, and tell the 'rents. It's not official yet." I said, smiling at her.

She nodded sniffling as she wrapped herself in a towel.

"Why don't you take a shower? I'll go shoo away the guys and we'll continue with the girls night." I offered.

She continued to sniffle, as she slowly walked, dripping towards the bathroom, closing the door behind herself.

As soon as I heard the shower start, I walked out the room, closing the door behind me.

Edward was shaking his head at someone as I walked into the kitchen.

"Little Momma!" Emmett called, cheerfully.

I scowled at him before looking toward my husband. "All of you have exactly two minutes to gather your shit and get out before I pull out the BB gun and shoot you in the ass." I said, calmly.

"What?! I thought we were going to celebrate this new occurrence?!" Jane complained, pouting as she circled the top of the wine glass with her pointer finger.

"Not you, bitch!" I snorted, as I took a small sip of apple juice.

"Then who- oh! You meant all the peens?" She asked, before shrugging, nodding and sipping her wine.

"Well!" Emmett said, feigning offense, before taking a large bite of the nachos he had dipped in salsa and cheese.

"Don't complain. You crashed our girls night. Now, get the fuck out…" Rosalie chirped, sipping her wine too.

Heidi giggled and drank more of the water she brought.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow…" Edward said, kissing my cheek before he picked up his equipment and dragged everyone, including an indignant and dripping Jasper.

"Nice hair by the way, brother!" I called after him.

"Up yours!" He called back, followed by two thwacks and an 'ah! fuck!'

"That's my baby sister!"

"...and my wife!" before the door slammed closed.

"So, what now?" Jane asked like all that didn't happen a moment ago.

"Now, we wait for Ally to get out so I can explain my new plan." I say smirking as Heidi hands me a glass of water.

I raise my eyebrow at her and she smiles, "It's strawberry lemonade. I figured since we're the only ones who can't or won't drink, that you would like some." She explained, shrugging unaffected.

"Awesome!" I say, sipping it.

Moments later Alice appears in a pair of pink sweats and a white tank top. "So, what's the plan?" She asked, as she grabbed some take-out menus from the drawer.

"Now, we plan." I say, smirking at her in response.

"Scary." Rosalie replies, pretending to shudder as we smirked at each other.

"So, what now?" Jane asks, filling her glass for the fourth time.

I then explain my plan to them.


	14. Having my baby

_Bella's POV:__A couple of months later~_

You know the best kind of revenge is no revenge at all.

Confused? Let me give a further explanation. Revenge isn't revenge unless someone gets even right? Well, to me , it's getting into your husband's head when he is trying to hide things from you.

That night when we all found out I was pregnant? He lied to me, so I got back at him by making him squirm more than usual and not really doing anything to him physically.

After I went to confirm that I was actually pregnant, I also found out I was almost a full month pregnant. I showed no symptoms until after I found out I was pregnant.

I hadn't really gained or lost much weight, well, maybe on my chest, but that's about it. I now, however, looked like a snake that swallowed a beach ball.

Since I'm currently thirty-five weeks, practically ready to pop. From where is yet to be seen...

This would worry me that my back is so sore that I can't sleep well anymore. That along with being left alone since I could go into labor anytime now.

Everyone seems to be on high alert, yet , here I am, sitting home alone, on the couch, drinking some strawberry soda pop, while munching on some fruit and chili cheese flavored corn chips, causing the baby to move around like it's ready to just about walk out of there on its own.

It's hot as balls in the house, or maybe it's me. Whatever it is, I'm not bothered by it, since my only objective is to eat ice at the moment. Enjoying the sensation of the baby kicking me while I crunch through the ice chips.

I'm weird these days though, one moment it's hot as balls and then the next moment it's colder than a polar bear's toenails in the room.

Edward was supposed to be home an hour and a half ago, but he's not.

I can't bother to be annoyed with him, since it's snowing again outside.

Someone, I'm not entirely sure who though, was supposed to keep me company earlier today but everyone is so busy these days, and I like to be alone.

So, I slowly get up and waddle into the kitchen and grab a bowl and shove it into the small opening that is usually reserved for cups.

As I am waiting for my bowl to fill with the ice chips, I feel as my back begins to spasm for the umpteenth time today, only this time it begins to affect my abdomen as well.

The spasming begins to come every two minutes, though I have experienced Braxton Hicks contractions, on and off for the past two months. These feel different, somehow faster, and much more painful.

I know instantly what's happening.

I'm going into preterm labor. Fuck! Why the fuck did this happen while I am alone and taking it easy on the couch?

Damn it!

So much for changing all the linens on every bed within this house, even though I did that the other day.

I quickly make my way towards the hall closet, step into my slip on sneakers, pull on the thick layered vest over Edward's sweater, glad for a moment that I was wearing my fluffy pajama bottoms, and grab my bag and keys.

With a final sigh, I slide into my CR-V, throwing the bag onto the passenger's seat, and turn the car on.

I think back to a few months as I slowly make my way to the hospital. Tightening my grasp on the steering wheel as the pains grow more and more intense as time slowly slithers by. We thought it would be a great idea to keep the baby's gender a surprise since the gender surprise party fiasco.

Emmett and Edward tried to find out what it was and let's just say I may end up having only one child because of this...on a side note, confetti is dangerous when it is in a party time confetti shooter...

Only Esme and my mom know what my baby is, and while they're ecstatic, I'm nervous.

Shit! I'm not ready for this baby to be born yet.

What if I fuck it up worse than my parents?!

"Alright, Bella, you can do this… calm down…" I whisper as I find a parking space.

I take a few cleansing breaths to calm down, and get through a particularly painful contraction before I slowly climb out.

Right as I reach the reception desk I see my father-in-law walk out.

"Car-lisle!" I gasp, buckling over as another contraction hits.

He rushes forward to help me as I feel something get pushed and popped, before a warm fluid rushes between my legs.

"I need a bed over here!" He calls out, as he lifts me into his arms and rushes forward.

"Ca-ll Ed-ward." I breath as he lays me onto the bed and they rush me up into the Labor and Delivery unit.


	15. Baby's Arrival!

**_Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!_**

I'm so tired. This baby sure is taking his sweet time to get here...

How long has it been since I got here? Why aren't they trying to help me? And where the _hell_ is Edward?! The next time I see him I'm going to punch him in the nut sack!

As soon as my water broke the contractions began coming and going, one after the other. No more five, ten-minute breaks.

They rushed me into one of the delivery rooms, and quickly put an IV on me, after they helped me onto the hospital bed, after helping me get into the hospital gown.

Though Dr. Morris came to check on me every so often. She told me I was dilating too quickly, and since my water had already broken, there wasn't much she could do to stop the baby from coming.

After ten minutes passed, she told me, I was now fully dilated, and Edward had _yet_ to show up.

I was focusing on breathing in and out while staying calm, even though the pain had begun to hit a new level.

Finally, Dr. Morris walked back with two nurses.

"Where's Carlisle?" I gasped as another contraction hit.

"He was called down to the E.R, he'll be back as soon as he can…" She said, patting my foot, before proceeding to check me.

I stomped down the sudden urge I felt to kick her in the face as I felt her fingers begin to prod me.

"Looks like we're ready to go. Ok, Bella… when you feel the next contraction… I'm going to need you to push down onto your bottom." She instructed as the nurses moved the bed into proper position, pulled out stirrups, and propped my feet while two nurses grabbed onto my legs.

When the next contraction hit, I pushed as hard as I could, even though I felt as if I was being split in half.

"_Ah...Fuck_..!" I groan, breathing in deeply.

"Ok, breath…"

I gasped, breathing heavily for a moment before the next one hit and I pushed with all my strength, as sweat gathered on my face and neck, causing my hair to stick onto my face.

"You're doing great. One more push...come on, Bella!" The doctor said.

It took two more pushes, but none of that seemed to matter as I heard the loud wail of my baby saturate the otherwise quiet room.

"Congratulations, momma, you have a beautiful, healthy baby boy! Now we're going to clean him and you up, and then we'll take you to your room." She said, smiling at me.

Charles Anthony Cullen was born at seven pm, on October 15, 2019 weighing 6lbs, and 4 ounces and 17 length.

"You did great, dear." She added after she cleaned me up.

One of the nurses then helped me go to the bathroom, then helped me back onto the bed.

When they brought him to me he was wearing a white long sleeve shirt and pants and had a small green beanie in his head. He was wrapped in the usual hospital blanket.

He looked so tiny.

"Are you ready to go to your room?" One of the nurses asked.

I nodded, smiling in response as she helped me sit down in one of the chairs that was strategically placed with the room for the fathers to sit during the birthing process.

The nurse slowly helped me up, before guiding me towards a wheelchair.

Once both nurses helped me get settled in, I spoke to one of the nurses informing her of my decision.

No one but Esme Cullen, Renee Swan, Charles Swan, and Carlisle Cullen would be allowed to come in to see me. Everyone else needed permission to come and see Baby Cullen and me.

_Including_ Edward.

It seems cruel but seeing how my sister Alice, Rosalie, and Jane were all supposed to be with me today and decided to go shopping instead, well let's just say I'm a bit put out.

Now, to take a much-needed nap.


	16. Ch16 Baby Meet Daddy, and Grandparents

_Edward's POV:_

Bella's going to kill me when I get home. I was only supposed to be home hours ago.

I had gone in for the morning shift, expecting to only put in a few hours before heading home to be with my heavily pregnant wife, who is due any day now.

It was just after three fifteen in the afternoon when the alarm went off, informing me that something had happened and we were all needed.

It was a house fire. One that started in the family's fireplace and quickly spread throughout the house. The entire thing took us hours to control, due to how quickly it spread and how cold it was getting outside.

When we finally did finish putting it out, it was just past seven forty.

_Fuck_! Bella's going to kill me.

That however, isn't the case, a soon as we're heading back to the station The Chief frantically radio'ed me informing me that my wife went into preterm labor and fucking drove herself to the hospital!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! She's going to be pissed.

"Ed, what's wrong?" Jasper asked, wiping his face with a rag.

"Bella's in the hospital. She's gone into preterm labor." I mutter, running a tired hand over my face, tiredly.

"_Shit_! Where's Alice and Rose? They're _supposed_ to be with her." He asked, looking over at Emmett, who shrugged and shook his head at us in response.

"_Fuck_! What are you going to do now?" Emmett asks, worried.

"I don't know. Pray, maybe…" I mutter as Felix pulls into the station.

"Go, and tell us how B and the baby are as soon as you know?" They say, practically pushing me out the door.

I don't waste time getting my things, just my wallet and my keys before rushing out of the station and rushing to the hospital. I just hope she and the baby are alright.

As I walked into the hospital door I was met with an angry Alice, Rosalie, and Jane pacing in the waiting room.

"Edward!" Alice called, relieved.

"Pix, what's wrong? Have you seen your sister and the baby yet?" I asked, watching her face go from flesh color to a purple that made me wonder if she was breathing at all.

"No! These people won't let me see them, _even though_ I told them I'm her _sister_!" She growled, stomping her foot.

"What? Why? Let me, see what's going on…" I mumbled, walking over to the front desk.

A small, elder woman, with her graying hair plaster atop her head, with a thick layer of makeup and thick focal glasses sat there typing away while she chewed noisily on a piece of gum.

"Welcome to Forks Community Hospital, how may I help you?" She nasally said, eyes still glued to the screen.

"Err...hm...my wife had a baby sometime earlier today. I'm here to see her." I said, clearing my throat a couple of times.

"Name and room number?" She nasally asked, clicking away on her keyboard.

"Her name is Isabella Cullen. I—I don't know her room number." I muttered, biting my lip.

"Hm… Mhm. That's curious. Is your name Carlisle Cullen or Charles Swan? May I see your driver's license please? She asked, chewing noisily.

"No, I'm her husband." I state, handing over my driver's license.

"Oh, her husband. I see, well _you_ can go in.. but the ladies behind you and everyone else stays here. Strict orders from the patient." She said handing me a small binder. "Sign here please. Room 150." She says before handing me a bright green colored bracelet and snapping it onto my right wrist.

As soon as the green plastic bracelet is in place, onto my wrist, I rushed towards the elevator and pushed the up button.

I don't stop until I finally reach the room, and see that they're both ok.

Bella's POV:

I'm woken up sometime later by a tiny whimper coming from the bassinet.

I slowly sit up and get out of bed, slowly making my way towards the bassinet. It was two steps away from the hospital bed, felt like they were one too many when your body feels as if it's been but through a meat grinder.

The pain in my sore muscles goes away as my eyes land on my son's scrunched up little face.

He's wiggling his little arms, slowly as I leaned over to watch him mesmerized. I still couldn't believe such a beautiful baby came from me.

"What's wrong, bud?" I whisper, smiling, tearfully, as I stare amazed at him.

His responding tiny whimper tugs at my heart, and I slowly lift him up into my arms, before slowly going to sit on the arm chair.

"Bella?" I hear a familiar voice speak from the doorway.

"So, they let you in." I say, unsurprised.

He slowly nodded, stepping further into the room, before closing the door behind himself as the room's phone began to ring.

I sighed, slowly grabbed the phone again, and looked him dead in the eye as he phone rang.

"Hello, this Eunice, speaking how may I help you?" A nasally answered.

"Hello, Eunice, this is Isabella Cullen speaking, can you hold off any more visitors from seeing me tonight? I'm rather tired." I say, politely.

"Of course, Mrs. Cullen, would that include Dr. Cullen and his wife, along with your parents? They're here, just arrived actually." She murmured.

"No, you can send them up." I say.

"Will do, you have a wonderful evening, Mrs. Cullen." She replied, before hanging up.

I sighed, tiredly as I balanced the baby in one arm and hung up the phone with the other, before turning to look back at him.

"Where were you? Where was everybody else?" I asked calmly.

"Em, Jasper, the rest of the guys, and me, as a matter of fact, were putting out an electrical fire, for the better part of the day… weren't the girls with you?" He asked, confused.

"No, I've been home alone, _all day_. In fact,I_ **drove** _myself here just _before_ my water broke." I replied, slowly bouncing the baby in my arms.

"Is that—?" He asked, his eyes flickering down to the bundle in my arms.

I nodded in response, smiling at him happily. "Congratulations, Daddy. Would you like to meet your son?" I asked, smiling widely at him.

"Son?! We have a son?" He asks, rushing toward me, and dropping down to his knees in front of me and the baby.

I nod at his happy expression, and lower the baby a bit so he can see him.

"Charles Anthony Cullen. He's beautiful." He murmured, before looking up into my eyes. "Thank you, he's beautiful." He says, leaning in to kiss me on the lips.

A flash of light momentarily stuns us and causes us to gasp in surprise, jolting baby Charlie.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry! I swear I just thought it would be a nice picture." Esme whispers, or rather squeaks, giving us an apologetic expression before rushing over to us and leaning in to see the baby.

"Oh, look at the little angel! Carlisle, look! He looks just like my Edward when he was born!" She squeaks, excitedly.

"Es, tone it down, you're going to spook the poor thing." Carlisle says, slowly approaching with a teddy bear, and a light blue balloon saying 'lt's a boy!' scribbled on it.

"Sorry, I just can't believe he's here! I'm finally a Grandma!" She squeals louder, this time waking the baby up.

"Mom.." Edward groaned, looking down worriedly at him.

"Es, either you calm the heck down or we're leaving and you won't get to see him until they go home." Carlisle chastised.

"Sorry." She murmured, turning red as she stepped back a bit.

"Oh, both of you, leave her alone, she's just excited. You are too. Let her be." I said, as I smiled down at the baby as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Hey, baby, look who's here.. it's daddy, and Mawmaw Es and Poppa Carlisle…" I cooed down at him as he turned his head a bit, before closing his eyes again.

"She's right." Edward said, giving Esme an apologetic crooked smile.

"So, what's the deal with only allowing us, your parents and Edward up here but not your siblings?" Carlisle asked, looking at Edward.

"They _left_ her _alone_ **_all day_**. _She_ drove _herself_ here! Do we need say more?" Edward asked, standing up, and crossing his arms over his chest.

"They what?!" We heard the familiar screech of ...my mother.

Oh dear, God. Not right now...


	17. Ch17 Woah!

We all watched silently as my mom turned to leave only to be dragged back into the room by my father.

"Neé, you can get them later...don't you want to meet your new grandbaby?" He asked, jutting his chin towards us.

She gasped as if she just remembered, before turning around. As soon as her eyes landed on us, she gasped and rushed forward.

"Is it—is that...?" She stuttered, with her eyes glued to the baby.

"Charles Anthony Cullen…" I say, looking at my dad.

"Huh...aw...you-you two didn't have to do this…" my dad said, his voice thick with emotion as he peered down at baby Charlie.

"Edward and I agreed we should honor the man that brought us together…" I say, leaning down to kiss my baby boy's head.

"I was more of a team effort but I can see why you would name him after his poppa…" my dad said, grinning at the baby.

"He may bear your name but he's all Cullen." Carlisle teased.

I rolled my eyes at their antics, before going back to stare at the little man resting in my arms.

He's perfect.

"Up until now, I never really thought we needed anything, I thought we were all happy and perfect together. Now, I realize I was yearning for something I didn't know I wanted all along. My baby boy." I whispered, looking up at Edward, only to realize he was already staring down at me.

Little Charlie and I were giving a clean bill of health and released the following day.

The entire time I wondered how we were going to go home, as it turns out, I didn't need to worry, my brother and Edward had already figured things out.

This apparently meant that Edward drove his truck home, and Emmett followed him in his Jeep then drove him back to the hospital.

Somewhere, along the line, he ended up forgetting his keys at home, which caused them to have to go back home to look for said keys, which ended up being in his pocket.

By this time, I was about ready to leave.

It was around noon by the way.

They didn't arrive back, to the hospital until one forty-five.

Once they did arrive I was ready to leave. Charlie was changed into his monkey jumpsuit, and had a puffball hat on for the cold.

As soon as I see he is comfortable enough I slowly change into a pair of fleece sweat pants and pull on my favorite sweater, later stepping into my shoes.

When they finally arrived Edward brought up the baby carrier with him.

I smiled in relief at the sight of them, albeit looking a bit frazzled.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

"Alice, was downstairs again." Emmett said, rolling his eyes, annoyed.

I shrugged in response, keeping my eyes on Charlie, as I slowly lowered him into the carrier. When he's settled in, I grab one of his blankets and cover the carrier.

When the nurse finished explaining to me the at-home care, and then told me to sit down on the wheelchair before propping the baby carrier on my legs and proceeded to wheel me out of the hospital.

When we finally arrived home, I proceeded to take the baby out of the carrier and slowly walk towards our room.

I smiled as I laid him down in his bassinet, before sighing tiredly and heading to the bed to rest.

Exactly a week after I brought the baby home that my parents and siblings (through marriage and blood) showed up.

I was breastfeeding the baby when my husband walked in with a nervous expression on his face.

"What's with the face?" I asked, as my eyes flicked down to the baby's face.

"Our family is here." He announced wincing.

I nodded in response, chewing on my lower lip as I unlatched the baby from my chest, wordlessly standing up and placing the baby back in his bassinet, before silently turning on the baby monitor and walking out to the living room.

My parents knew the rules, if the baby is sleeping, no one is allowed to see if until he awakens. Everyone being here didn't change that.

"Bella.." Esme greeted, pulling me into a hug as soon as I walked into the living room with Edward behind me.

"Hi Mom." He greeted, amused as she looked at him, and pulled him in too.

"How's the baby doing?" She asked walking back to her seat.

Edward lead me to the armchair, silently telling me to sit down before he turned to look at everyone else.

"He's good, sleeping."

"How are you feeling, dear?" She asked, ignoring Rose and Alice as they paced behind the couch.

"Better, just a little tired, is there a reason for this visit?" I asked, swallowing back a yawn.

"Well, we thought it would be best if we allowed the girls to explain where they were the day you had the baby." Carlisle explained, casually.

"Oh." I muttered, tiredly.

Seriously, these bitches better have killed someone or gotten arrested because if they didn't and it turns out they were shopping for clothes, I'll kick their asses from here to kingdom come!

"Bells…" Alice began, wincing as I looked at her, indifferently.

"Mary Alice…" I say, stoically.

"Look, we're so sorry, we weren't here that day. It wasn't our fault. Well, it was Alice's fault… See, we went to pick something up at the mall, and she ran into Maria and Nettie…" Rose began.

Maria and Nettie…? Fuck! She didn't!

"What happened?" I asked, fearing I already knew the answer.

"This bitch attacked Alice, and Alice —never one to back down— responded to the challenge… she took that bitch down so hard, it was hilarious, then the other bitch tried to get in and I had to help… we got arrested, and we're not allowed to go back to that mall for four months…" Rose said.

Maria Ramos, and her cousin Nettie Ortiz have been hounding us since they moved here, in high school. Maria is Jasper's ex girlfriend, and becoming more of a pain in the ass as years pass.

"Did you fucking get the restraining order now?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, but not before I fucking kicked her ass." Alice said, scowling at Jasper, who had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Good." I said.

"Sweet merciful Jesus! Why did we think it was a good idea to have more than one kid?" My dad asked, shaking his head at my mom.

"Because you wanted a little girl." My mom deadpanned.

"Oh jeez." He muttered.

Emmett scoffed, before looking at Rose.

"Is something wrong, Emmy bear?"

Oh, no! He's about to explode.

_'Rose, no_..' I mouth to her...

"So, let me get this straight, you two decided it would be a good idea to go to the mall by yourselves, even after Jasper warned you about this crazy ass chick, and left my heavily pregnant sister alone, because you felt the need to shop? What is the matter with you two?! Do you have any idea how fucking ridiculous you sound right now?! Seriously! You two need to grow _the fuck_ up. Seriously, how the fuck did you think that it was ok to do that? Why? I'm fucking done." He says, baking his head and walking out of the house.

That was a bigger explosion than I thought.

We all stared, slack-jawed at the front door, unsure how to respond.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**__Hope y'all have enjoyed this story a much as I have!__Up next is the Epilogue! _


	18. Ch18 Mending

**_A/N: Well, I realized I couldn't leave the story like that so, the epilogue won't be up until I fix this. Until then Enjoy!_**_A Few Months Later:_

After Emmett's massive blow out, Rose and Em decided to take some time apart. Meaning he was now staying with Edward, Charlie and me. While Rosalie was staying alone at their house.

As it turns out the blow up my brother had? Yeah, that was nothing compared to the tension they'd both been having these past few months.

My brother explained to me that Rose and him had been trying for a baby for the last two years, and since nothing had happened, it began to cause problems between them.

They tried everything to get pregnant but kept failing. This just caused more tension between them. To avoid said tension, Emmett began working extra hours, and Rose?

Well, she just began acting irrational, irresponsible, and childish. Had any of us known she was doing this to squash her pain, we would have avoided alcohol itself. Much less allowed her to drink so much or encouraged her childish behavior.

Now? I'm just trying to help her out.

It's taken so much time and energy from all of us to help them talk things out, and even more get them both into the same room.

Today is hopefully a step in the right direction. It's my parents twenty-fifth anniversary, and we're all celebrating by going to a cabin for a week.

My job is to get Rose up there. Alive...

I took my mom's offer to take Charlie up there so I could pick up Rosalie, Jane and Alice before driving up there. So, we could have some much needed girl time bonding, on the way there.

I just hoped this didn't come back to bite me in the ass.

"Rose…" I called, walking into their house.

"Yeah?" She called.

"Are you ready?" I called from the entrance.

"Yes, just let me grab my things and we can go." She shouted, appearing at the end of the hall before disappearing again.

"Alright." I shouted back, looking out the door at Edward's truck.

He told me to drive the truck since Em wanted to drive his Jeep up there. They'd go pick up Jasper and Felix before driving up there, so he wanted me to drive the truck. He even made sure everything we needed for Charlie was in the bed before leaving.

Such a gentleman.

"Hey! Are you ready?" Rose asked, reappearing with two large duffle bags.

"Two?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at her.

"Yes, Emmett forgot his hiking boots, hanleys, and a bunch of other stuff he has for camping. I just thought he'd need them." She explained, as she walked towards the door.

I watched her walk out towards the truck before lifting the truck's bed cover and placing the duffles in there.

"I forgot my bag, and a jacket." She muttered, walking towards the couch and grabbing them.

I nodded, looking down at my sneaker-covered feet before following her out.

"So, are you ready?" She asked, as we walked out of the house.

"Yeah, let's go pick up the pixie, and Janey." I replied as she closed the house up.

As we got into the truck and drove away, the tension seemed to leave her shoulders, and a smile appeared on her lips.

We stopped at Jane and Alex's house first. Rose beeped twice as soon, as I pulled the truck up at the front of their house.

We didn't wait long. It seemed that as soon as she heard us, her ass grabbed her bags, and that fucking demon cat she took in, and hightailed it out of the fucking house.

It was a hairless cat that she decided to name Princess Chunky.

"Oh no! She's bringing that fucking demonic cat! Lock the doors!" Rose yelped, pressing the button before Jane could reach the truck.

I almost died of laughter when Jane finally reached the truck and tried to yank hard on the door and the door wouldn't budge.

"You bitches better let me into the fucking truck!" She yelled, stomping her foot.

"Not until you put that demon cat back in your fucking evil fortress!" Rose snapped back.

"Leave my baby alone! She's harmless." Jane growled.

"Do it! Or we'll drive away and leave your ass stranded here…" Rose chanted, as she gestures for me to press the accelerator.

"Fine, you win, bitches… I'll take her to the neighbor's house…" she muttered, dropping her bags on the floor, and walking away.

When she came back five minutes later, we opened the doors, and let her stuff her bags in the back before climbing into the backseat, grumbling under her breath.

"So, where to now?" She grumbled.

"Alice's house…" I muttered, pulling away from the curb.

"Gee, I wonder what she's up to," Rose muttered, spinning her stress ball in her hand.

As we reached Alice and Jasper's house, she was already waiting for us, when we pulled up.

"Alice decided which bag you want to take and throw the rest into the house!" I yelled as I hopped out of the driver's seat after parking the truck.

"Aw, but it's a whole week! How will I decide what to wear?" She complained.

"I don't care. Just pick one and let's go!" I yelled.

She scoffed, before grabbing two large duffle bags and moving them onto the lawn and then opening the garage and beginning to shove each bag into it.

As soon as she shoved her bag into the back of the truck, she hopped into the back next to a pissed off Jane.

"Who's ready for this road trip!" Alice squealed, happily.

"Not me, I'll tell you that…" Rose muttered to me, as Alice plugged in the iPod to the dock.

"Let the torture begin," I muttered back as I pulled away from the curb.

I only hope Rose had enough patience to not shove anyone into the back if they grated her nerves.


	19. Baby Bonding & Atrocious SmellsCh19

_Six Incredibly Long Hours Later:_

What was supposed to be a four-hour ride had somehow turned into a six-hour one.

The drive turned to shit, after Jane and Alice started getting car sick, just after an hour into the drive, which caused us to have to stop more than usual.

This wasn't the vomiting kind of sick, well for Jane, anyway. When I say sick I mean 'out the basement' type of sick. Which also meant, gases.

Oh lord! Those freaking silent but deadly, cranky ass farts nearly killed us. _Twice_. Not once but twice, and that was only within the first hour.

The sixth time she did it, we had to stop the truck on the side of the road and leave the doors open for at least thirty minutes... and even then the poor truck stilll smelled of rotten eggs.

Edward was going to have to get it detailed to get that atrocious, offending smell out of the seats!

When we finally _did_ get back on the road, Rosalie and Alice squeezed into the passenger's seat, leaving Jane in the back by herself.

'Bitch could suffocate herself!' Alice's words not mine.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, we arrived at the beginning of the trail that would lead us to the cabin.

I felt my shoulders sag in relief as I caught sight of the massive twelve bedroom cabin sitting at the end of the trail.

It sits a few feet away from the lake, surrounded by the calming scene of dozens of trees and patches of wildflowers.

The cabin itself, surrounded by dozens of trees, and fields of wildflowers. There's even a tire swing on one of the trees that is a few feet by the lake, along with a rope swing for the bigger kids.

Almost everyone is here already, when we reach the front of the cabin. Except for the boys, of course.

Esme is walking towards her pearl white Nissan Rogue when she sees us pull up, smiling in response as she does.

I laugh as Alice and Rose practically jump out of the passenger's seat before I even have the gearshift set in Park on the truck.

As Jane and I hop out, I push her out of the way and rush into the cabin in search of my baby boy.

I finally find him with my dad in their bedroom, laying on the bed while a football game plays in the background.

In all honesty, I would've thought my mom to be the one to constantly want to hold Charlie, yet, now that I am seeing this, my dad seems to be the one who is constantly holding him. It's adorable.

"Hey dad." I say, leaning on the door frame.

"Oh hey, Bells." My dad said, flushing when he realized I saw him cooing at his grandson. "How was the ride over?"

"Hell." I replied, honestly as I walked over to the bed.

I smiled as I realized Charlie was now on his stomach, biting on his sock.

"Why is that?" He asked, amused.

"Jane kept farting the entire way here. She's worse than her dad." I muttered, snatching the sock from Charlie's little fists and placing it back on his foot.

"Ugh. I know. It's hereditary on your mother's side." He scoffs, wrinkling his nose.

"Hey, I heard that!" My mom calls from the bathroom.

"It was meant to be heard," my dad muttered in response.

"Did you want me to take the baby or …?" I asked sitting on the foot of the bed.

"Oh no, baby girl, you can leave him here, he's enjoying spending time with his poppa, aren't you, sport?" He cooed at the baby, who cooed back and pulled his sock off once more.

"Are you sure? This is supposed to be _your_ week, after all." I say, snatching his sock away from his mouth and putting it back on his foot.

"It's fine, Bee, nothing makes me happier than spending time with my only grandbaby. Go, spend some much needed time with your husband. It'll be fine, I'll call you if I need you." He said, shooing me away.

I smiled at him, before getting up and heading to the car to grab my things from the truck.

Just as I begin taking the bags out, I hear the familiar reeving of Emmett's Jeep. That's not what stops me on the spot, what stops is the little gathering Rose, Alice, and Jane have going on by the edge of the lake.

I almost want to ignore them, but realize there's no ignoring those three conniving bitches especially when they get together like this.

I just hoped their plans didn't ruin the rest of the week here.


	20. Epilogue Part I

**_Epilogue:Part I_**

(**_Seven years Later)~_**

'_Have kids, they said.__It'll be fun, they said.'_

Fun, my ass!

These kids have caused me nothing but a massive headache! But watch when I get my hands on him! I'm going to tan his ass so hard his kids will feel it!

"Charles Anthony Cullen, get your ass down here!" I called, as I rushed into the house.

I could hear various sets of footsteps making their way towards my location in the foyer.

"Oh god, what did he do now?" Edward asked, tiredly.

I held up my index finger to him while slipping off my coat, hat, gloves, and scarf while I waited. Finally, I see his unruly hair peek out as his head leans out from his hiding place, the wall leading to the foyer.

"Yes, mommy…" he says, nervously.

I find it hilarious how his hair turned chocolatey brown, while still remaining as wild as his father's. He looks exactly like Edward, eyes and all, except for the hair color, there's no denying he is our son.

Sadly, he seems to have inherited my family's mannerisms, attitude, and… trouble-finding tendencies.

Yey me! Not.

"Charlie, why did I receive a call from your school informing you've been suspended from school until Wednesday?" I asked, exasperated. "Is there something you want to tell me, young man?" I asked, kneeling down to look him in the eye.

I already knew what happened, but I wanted his side of the story before I did anything.

Following the trip to the cabin, Alice and Rose, they were both pregnant. Due a few days apart. Henry Jackson Swan came nine months later, followed by his cousin Elijah Harrison Cullen.

But here's the kicker. A few months we went out to celebrate Rose's new job as a lawyer with our uncle, Marcus, and guess what…

We all found out, we were pregnant once more.

Sophia Rose Cullen came months later, followed by Alice's daughter Alexia Marie Cullen, and then Briar Rose Swan (Can you guess why?) While all three were notorious for being little princesses, loving all pink and glitter and the all girly crap, they could easily kick-ass, _especially_ when angry.

"Well, Henry, Elijah and I were playing during recess and Jack started bothering Bri, Lexi, and Sophie." He explained, biting his lip, nervously.

"So, what happened?" I asked, my brow furrowing.

"Jack pulled on Lexi's hair." He replied, quietly.

Oh no, Charlie has always been protective of his little sister and cousins.

"What did you do then, Charlie?" Edward asked, quietly.

"... I tackled him to the ground and punched him in the face." He said, calmly, though his green eyes turned glassy.

"Charlie, look at me baby, if someone does something mean to you, doing something mean to them doesn't fix anything." I said, reaching towards him to pull his chin up to look at me. "You have to be the bigger person here, even if it means sometimes that you have to walk away." I add.

He sniffled quietly before nodding wordlessly.

"Hey, I'm not mad. How can I be when you were protecting your little sister? But remember, violence won't solve anything, if you get in trouble." I say, patting his shoulder before standing up.

"Okay…" he mumbled. "Can I go to my room now?" He asked.

I sighed, nodding in response before turning to look at my oldest kid. My husband.

"H-hi honey, how was your day at work?" He stuttered.

"Leah also said you had sighed the note she sent home, _two_ days _ago_!" I added, as I slipped off my shoes.

"Oh…" he muttered gulping.

"How many times have I told you that you're going to hide things from me, to not get caught?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Ok, I fucked up by not telling you but you gotta admit my boy is a scrapper." He said, smiling.

"I swear to God…" I muttered annoyed, as I walked towards our room.

"Babe, come on, you can't seriously be mad at—" he said before my baby girl came bounding into the room, and climbed onto the bed.

Of all the things to get from me it had to be stature. She had her daddy's bronze-colored hair, green eyes, yet looked like a miniature me. Poor girl never had a chance.

"Hi, baby." I say, sitting on the bed next to Edward.

"Hi, momma!" She greeted, crawling onto my lap.

Today, she opted to wear a blue, and purple tutu, and a purple sparkly shirt with a pair of blue leggings. Her hair in curls, as per usual. On her feet were a pair of sparkly doc martens. Personally decorated in sparkles by me and Alice.

"How was your day with Mawmaw Es and Nana Neé?" I asked, smoothing down her curls.

"It was fun, until Nana got the wrong haircut…" she said, whispering the last part to me, "She said she looked like a peanut with ears." She whispered giggling.

I snorted, shaking my head at her amused.

"What happened?" I asked, trying not to laugh.

"Well, MawMaw went to touch up her hair, I don't know what that means, it looked the same, while Nana got a haircut. She said that she wanted to get an A-line like Aunt Alice had but the lady cut it wrong so she got something called a pixie cut… she looks like a boy." Sophie said, wrinkling her little nose.

She was worried.

"It's ok, it'll grow back." I said, in an attempt to soothe her.

"Okay, I'm going to my room to watch Monster's Inc." She informed us, before hoping off of my lap, and walking out of the room.

"Did you ever think we would have the perfect family?" Edward asked me after I changed out of my work clothes and into my lounge pants and a t-shirt.

"No, but to be fair, I never really thought our family wasn't perfect." I said, as we laid in bed.

"Have you met our family?" He asked, surprised.

"Yes, and to be fair… I was scared to have kids." I told him.

"Why is that, love?" He asks, smiling.

"I didn't want them to become like us…" I said, tiredly.

"What do you mean?" He asked, confused.

"Crazy, brazen, and unafraid." I laugh, "Remember the prank we pulled on you guys when we went to the cabin?" I asked, giggling again.

"Pushing us into the lake while someone squealed wasn't funny." He snipped.

"It wasn't funny either when you picked us up the next day and threw us in." I pointed out.

"Hey, Stupid is as Stupid Does, besides it was Emmett's idea." He said, shrugging.

"Of course, it was. Of that I have no doubt, my love." I say, as he pulls me in for a kiss.

I wondered briefly if I should tell him we were going to have an addition to the family.

Nah, I'll think I'll wait to confirm it first.

**_The End._**


End file.
